


Will it pass?

by Eadwine63



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Torchwood
Genre: I'm Sorry, Implied Ten/Jack, Jack is being emotional, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 01:58:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6033835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eadwine63/pseuds/Eadwine63
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of Children of Earth, Jack runs, because that's what he's always done when things get tough. He tries to drown the pain, but finds no relief until an old friend sends him a note.<br/>*Modification of the time the tenth Doctor is dying and goes to see Jack a last time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Will it pass?

He runs, because that’s what he always does. For years, he’s done it some way or another, and it doesn’t matter if it’s another planet, another time, or just out and away. When things get tough, Jack runs.

Give him missiles to redirect, comets to crush, creatures to fight, and Jack will stand tall and proud, but that is not when it gets tough. That is when it gets _fun_.

The trouble starts when he thinks of his grandson – of his command being the one and only thing that took away a young boy’s life – and of his lover on the floor, the last bit of light disappearing from his eyes and the last breath whispering past his lips.

Jack knows that every war, every fight, has casualties. He’s seen more death than any human should ever see. Oh, Jack _knows_.

The tough bit is when he gets attached, when he has to say goodbye. When he carries the blame. That’s when Jack wishes he could have died with them. It’s not the first time he wished for death, of course, but he had forgotten how much love could hurt somewhere along the line.

Jack remembers lots of lovers – more specifically, he remembers them by their goodbyes. He hates goodbyes, and wonders if that’s a trait he somehow got from his time with the Doctor. At least then, Jack knew he was still out there, somewhere between the stars, somewhere between the particles of time itself.

Jack misses his Doctor.

He misses Ianto more.

He misses Ianto because of the sudden finality. He didn’t walk into that building thinking today could be the last time he’d see Ianto. He thinks he would have favoured running out, so he wouldn’t have to deal with the knowledge Ianto was never going to be back to bring him coffee, that he would never kiss him when they were alone in Jack’s office after everyone had left for the night. He would never smile that smug smile when they had made love. Not anymore.

So Jack runs and drowns his heartbreak in whatever the bars have to offer. He drowns his guilt and spends his time healing in the arms of another man, the opposite of Ianto. When that doesn’t ease his pain, he finds someone else. And someone else.

_His name is Alonso._

The note slipped to him is in familiar handwriting. He looks at the entrance, into a pair of eyes he’d recognise anywhere. For a split second, he wonders if he’ll have eyes like the Doctor in 900 years. So filled with pain that you’d recognise them even when everything else around them changed. He tilts his head a fraction of a degree and he _knows_. He knows it’s another goodbye.

Jack can’t take another goodbye and gets up.

“I thought you hated goobyes.”

He has a hand around the Doctor’s arm, and it feels like he’s found something to hold on to for the first time in months. He tries to remember not to squeeze.

“It’s not goodbye.”

“The hell it isn’t. You sentimental sod.”

The Doctor smiles a little, uneasily, tells Jack he spends too much time in Cardiff. Jack lets go of the Doctor’s arm, because he can feel his hand tightening.

“Jack, what’s wrong?”

Jack laughs a little, actually surprised he let his emotions show enough that the Time Lord picked up on his distress.

“How do you do it?”

“I hate goodbyes.”

“I didn’t get a say.” He looks at those old eyes, wonders again how many faces his Doctor has had to say goodbye to, how many he _wishes_ he could have said it to. He wonders how many awful choices he’s had to make.

“I know.”

Jack loves his Doctor, but he can’t remember a time where he was so understanding. Don’t misunderstand, the Doctor cares. He just tends to be a little dense when it comes to emotions – or at least pretends to be. He’s so much like an awkward pre-pubescent for a 900-something-year old.

But in this instant, Jack is reminded that his Doctor is, in fact, so old. That he did, in fact, lose a lot of people close to him. He knows hardship, he knows pain. He knows it all, and he has known it longer than Jack has. Something like that changes a man.

It’s easy to slip into his arms. It’s surprising how quickly the Doctor’s arms are around him, but it only makes him hold on tighter.

“I don’t have a lot of time,” the Doctor says.

Jack doesn’t want to listen. He doesn’t want to face the probability that comes with these words. He just wants to be here, in the arms of the man who can understand what it is like to live so long and see so many people _die._ In the arms of a man who knows what it is like to make a decision that will haunt you forever, even if it was the best choice you could possibly make. A lesser evil is still an evil. It still weighs on Jack’s shoulders, as it weighs on the Doctor’s.

Jack wonders if it will pass. If either of them will learn how to cope with the heartbreaks time serves them. He wonders if the Doctor knows his sight is blurry from the tears threatening to fall down his cheeks. He wonders if the Doctor cries.

So he pulls back and sees that little smile he loves so much. He sees pity he does not want, but feels grateful for anyway. His Doctor is dying and yet he’s the stronger one. He’s always been the stronger one. The wiser one, the brilliant one. His brilliant Doctor.

Everything crashes down around him. Jack never cries, never breaks down. He’s the funny one, the flirty one. He’s always the one everyone turns to. He’s never the weak one, always … always the companion.

“I loved him,” Jack whispers and can’t help the shiver running down his spine when the Doctor’s fingers wipe a tear from his cheek, his hand lingering. He has wanted this for so long, and now that he gets it, Jack feels it’s misplaced. Any other time, he would have beamed a smile at his Doctor. He would have been smug, made jokes and flirted like he always did. This time, he doesn’t know what to do.

Jack is never at a loss. Never like this. He’s too old to feel so lost.

Meeting Ianto has been a rollercoaster. From taking the other man for granted, to feeling betrayed, to feeling in love, feeling loved, feeling loss. Ianto made a wreck out of him more than any of his other lovers because Jack had forgotten how much it could hurt. He had lost track, had given too much of himself. Had thought there was time enough. If only he could have one more night, one more …

It’s stupid. He should really know better.

“I want to see him. One last time. Please, Doctor.”

“I can’t, Jack.”

“You can. He wouldn’t know. No one would know. I just want to see him one last time. Say goodbye.”

“No.”

“Why the fuck not!”

Jack doesn’t know why he’s so angry with the Time Lord. He’s done nothing but be there for him. He should be glad someone is holding him, that someone is actually making him feel better after all that time. He’s slept with so many people, and nothing comforted him like the arms of the man who was so like himself. The man who ran.

It takes the Doctor a while to answer, but when he does, he leaves Jack stunned.

“Because I hate goodbyes.”

Jack wants to hit him. He wants to yell, but one decent look is all it takes for Jack to know that he isn’t telling the truth. Rule: the Doctor lies. 

“Take me with you, then. Distract me.”

“You don’t need me, Jack.”

“Don’t I?”

Another close hug from the man who shies away from intimacy, and Jack wishes he could fall in love with him all over again. He kisses him, quietly, almost too chastely. The Doctor doesn’t even flinch.

“Does it pass?” Jack asks.

“Never.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment. This has been my first post in a long time... ^__^"


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